Ten Tips for the Single Parents Sanity

October 14, 2008

Whether by choice or by chance there are millions of single parents in America who are struggling to make it through every day. Not only are they struggling financially, but emotionally too. For many of them, making it through each day without having a nervous breakdown is a miracle.

As every parent knows, raising children is a thankless job. It’s even worse when you’re doing it alone. Single parenting is a very lonesome job accompanied by impossible demands. There are no breaks or vacations. You are on-call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. There is no freedom to be spontaneous and everything you do affects your kids in one way or another. No one else is there to help make decisions or to take part in caring for the children’s everyday needs. There is no one there to reassure you when you are on the verge of tears or to help with the financial strain. Raising kids is not cheap. You learn real quick how to budget what little money you have and become skilled stealing from Peter to pay Paul.

Single parents frequently get depressed, frustrated, lonely, and irritable. Often feeling like a zombie going day to day with no life inside them. Feeling that life has too many impossible demands as well as a lack of personal fulfillment leaves you burnt out and depressed. There is just too much pressure to do everything and to do it well all by yourself.

Family and friends may try to understand but no one can truly know what a single parent goes through. They don’t know what it’s like to have endless nights of crying because there is no money for Christmas or the feeling of failure because they can’t afford to turn the heat up on a cold winter’s night. They don’t understand the humiliation felt when groceries have to come from a food pantry or have to constantly accept being the bad guy because they have to tell their children, no because theres no extra money in the budget for extra activities.

As a single parent myself, I offer these eight tips to help you keep your sanity:

Dont be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Remember that your not asking for yourself, your asking for your children. If you cant ask family and friends, call your local church. They can connect you with many organizations that can help you get food, pay for fuel and even get a new refrigorator if you need it.

Work out a plan with another parent (single or not, it doesn’t matter) where you trade off watching each others children. You each get a break to relax or do things which are normally difficult to do with children such as grocery shopping.

Even if you only have ten minutes to spare before picking the kids up at daycare, park your car and either take a short walk or read a magazine.

Look for a support group in your area. The best support a single parent can get is from another single parent. You need to talk to someone who has the same experiences and feelings of despair as you do. If you can’t find a support group, ask your child’s daycare or school to help introduce you to other single parents whose children attend.

Make an activity bucket. On birthdays or Christmas, ask friends or relatives to help fill it with activities that are a bit more lavish then their everyday toys. Bring out the bucket on those special days deemed an emergency, you know the boring days where they do nothing but fight and get into mischief, they’ll love the toys and play contently for hours. Trust me, it works!

Use your hobby to make some extra money. If you love to scrapbook, you could make scrapbooks for people. You could even make and sell mittens if you know how to knit. If it puts one meal on the table, it’s worth it!

Writing down your feelings is very therapeutic. Keep a journal about your journey as a single parent. Write down your thoughts, fears and accomplishments. It’s a great way to “vent” and you never know, you could turn it into a book later on and help other single parents.

Another source of support I found to be valuable is television. Shows such as “Super Nanny” can be very informative on how to handle certain situations.

Things wont always be this hard. Children and finances grow and change. Use the help that is available now without guilt. When you are able, give back. When my kids were in diapers, they were the hardest to get so now that things are better for me, I drop off diapers to the pantry whenever I can.

It’s true when they say that parenting is the hardest job you will ever have but they frequently forget to add that it is also the most fulfilling. Take a step back when you are frustrated and just watch your children. They live life so carefree. It’s an amazing privilege to watch them grow and learn. Enjoy every moment of their innocence because it does go by so fast.

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